Falling for a Straight Girl

There was this girl at my school who had me head over heels. She was my mentor on the first day, and whenever she introduced herself, I was completely smitten. She had the most beautiful almond eyes, a radiant smile, flawless skin, gorgeous hair, a soft voice, and an incredible sense of humor. I can still remember the way she smelled, like a breath of fresh air. Her presence felt like that of an angel. I was so intimidated by her, especially since she hung out with the girls that everyone was intimidated by. You know, those really pretty girls. I knew that if I ever spoke to her, I would stumble over my words and embarrass myself. So, I ended up admiring her from a distance. Every day, I would purposely make myself about 10 minutes late to class just so I could walk past her. I didn't even have the courage to speak to her, her mere presence was enough for me. I would feel a mix of nervousness and excitement whenever I was around her. But here's the thing, I never even considered talking to her because I was so afraid of revealing that I wasn't straight. It was a constant battle dealing with the anxiety of having a crush while also being in the closet. It was absolute hell. As time went on, my feelings for her went beyond just a cute crush. It felt like an obsession. This was the first time I had ever felt this strongly about someone, and when I found out that she was straight and had a boyfriend, my heart sank. I felt empty like I had been wasting my time and energy on someone who most likely didn't even know I existed. It was a painful realization. My grades started dropping, I lost my appetite, and my overall mental health took a nosedive. I didn't like the fact that I wasn't straight, and I definitely didn't like the fact that the girl I had feelings for was straight too. It took me a good two years to fully recover and process what had happened. During that time, I found solace in connecting with more queer friends, seeking therapy, and learning to find my own happiness without depending on others. It was a challenging journey, but the outcome was truly amazing. I had to come to terms with the fact that I wasn't straight and that sometimes things just don't work out the way we want them to.