don’t overthink it.
I am walking on a bridge 60 feet above the water, and I hear my friends teasing around. They play “rock, paper, scissors” and “what are the odds” to get each other to jump off, but I am already climbing over the railing. No thoughts in my head, I stare off into the distance and fall. I didn’t give a chance for myself to think it over. I didn’t overthink it, but my mindset was beyond unsafe.
“Overthinking” can be annoying, especially if it comes from insecurity within yourself. At the beginning of High School during COVID-19, I couldn’t tell whether a situation was actually a problem, or if my head was convincing me to overthink. It got to the point where I didn’t want to leave the house or take risks because I was paranoid about everything. I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 months because I thought he didn’t like me anymore. I felt like a pessimist and that if I did leave the comfort of my bedroom, all I was going to do was bring people’s moods down.
By my Sophomore year, my school was back to “in-person learning.” Because of this, I thought it would be a good idea to work on my mindset. However, I went to the extremes and completely flipped my brain. I wanted to be a new fun, spontaneous, and bold girl. I would take anything handed to me and would be up for a new adventure every day, even if my body rejected it. I lost some childhood best friends, but I was okay with it, as I thought it was the last string holding onto my old self. I forced myself to not think of the “what if” questions lingering in the back of my head.
A year later, I grew tired of faking my “new and improved” personality to everyone. Deep down, I knew I wasn’t my true self and was just lonely. This was the year when I continuously searched for a solution to fix my personality. I couldn’t stop being angry and would lash out at my loved ones because I was frustrated with myself. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me.
Now, I realize that there is a happy medium to everything. I am a mix of my multiple phases throughout high school: I always enjoy the moment, but will think it through beforehand. I go cliff-jumping with my friends and only do the parts I know are safe. I am cautious, yet also risk-taking. I still battle with overthinking and overanalyzing my actions, but that is okay. I am finally myself, and that is all that matters.
For girls who are struggling with a situation similar to mine, please don’t overthink it. Your experiences will guide you to the right path. Trust the process and everything will come naturally over time. Please do not hesitate to contact professional resources when you need help. I love you and will always support you <3.
-Mia <3
