“i don’t know how to get over my ex”

8/25/23

Email:

I really miss my ex. No matter how hard I try and get over him nothing seems to work, and it feels like there's a part of me missing. I don't know what to do or what to think. it's been about 3 months since we broke up but it feels so fresh to me. he's 3,000 miles away now and all I've wanted for these past few months was to be able to see him, but shouldn't I be moving on? Looking for someone else? Self-improvement?

Our Advice:

First off, don't pressure yourself into "moving on", or attempt to look for somebody else until you are ready. What I'd recommend you do is -- although it sounds cliche -- work on yourself. Oftentimes, people who try super hard to jump into a relationship right after leaving one find themselves unfulfilled and it postpones the healing necessary after something like a breakup. 

I think it's also important to give yourself some perspective: part of what's so precious and inspiring about life is the fact that, as humans, we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and fall in love. This comes with heartbreak, and it's inevitable, but when you make peace with the fact that it's a PROCESS rather than a destination, you begin to somewhat enjoy navigating the feelings and emotions that come with breakups. Just remember that the grief of losing somebody so important is love in a heavy jacket -- realize that you feeling sad about the situation and missing him is because you were able to let yourself love somebody that much. It's really quite beautiful and having this perspective helps me a lot when navigating heartbreak.

Okay, once you stop internally punishing yourself for the way you feel and tell yourself that it's OKAY that you miss that person, you can start doing things that better you. I know it's extremely difficult, but put yourself first and stop worrying about them. This is what healing is all about: shifting the love you had toward somebody else to yourself. A way that I've done this is by coming up with a routine that allows me to feel like the most fulfilled, best version of myself. I'll list out a couple of these things here, but if you want more ideas feel free to reach out again! 

- Going for daily walks or sitting in the sun for a designated period of time (Being outside helps release dopamine and makes us calmer).

- Going to the gym (Releases endorphins)

- Journaling!!!! (This helps so much. Instead of texting your ex, write what you'd tell him in your journal)

- Hanging out with people who love you (This can be your friends, family, etc.) 

- Reading (This helps you escape reality for a little while. We're posting some of our favorite book recommendations on our site shortly)

- Start a passion project! (This helps you pour your love into something that betters/benefits you. Start making jewelry and selling it, start painting, start writing for fun, start an organization or club at your school, etc.) 

- Listen to podcasts (My favorite is "Claim Your Power" by Kim Peretz)

I think the most important thing, though, is to give yourself time to be sad about it. It's okay if you don't know how to feel. It's okay if things don't seem like they're getting easier, because they WILL. I promise you. Just have faith that the universe/God is looking out for you and will not allow you to pass up on something that is MEANT for you. You'll look back on all of this and realize it needed to happen for one reason or another.