The Hardship of Doing What’s Best for You

November 6th, 2023

I would say I’m pretty self-aware of myself.

I know when something is wrong or not good for me. I know when I need to change something about my lifestyle because it’s unhealthy. Sometimes, I even know what to do to do what’s best for me. The only problem is that I don’t execute it.

I’m terrified of confrontation. Like, full-on terrified. I grew up in an environment where I wasn’t challenged to speak up about my emotions, thoughts, or individuality. I was taught to put others before myself. So naturally, I struggle with pursuing choices regarding self-needs.

Last fall and winter, I was unhappy in my first relationship. Many factors played into the situation but the bottom line was that I needed to do what was best for me, which was leave. But I cared too much about the other person and I didn’t want those three months of my time and endless effort of trying to make the relationship better to go down the drain. I was scared of hurting him and in return, I was hurting myself.

He broke up with me in January.

The way I felt for a couple of weeks was a mix of sadness and relief. Sadness because I was grieving my relationship and relief because I was finally free. I didn’t have to worry about all of those things I was overthinking about previously.

Soon after, I was angry. Not at him, but at myself.

Why did it have to take HIM to do what was best for me? I knew what I had to do, so why didn’t I do it?

This blog isn’t advice on how to do what’s best for you, because I have no idea. Instead, it’s to acknowledge the problem and share it with others who may also have difficulty choosing themselves.

Many people fall victim to taking what they think they deserve. Sometimes they aren’t aware of what’s going on, but other times they are. That’s when it becomes an issue. No matter how hard it is, you shouldn’t give up on yourself. There is no reason you have to continue a relationship or activity when you aren’t obligated to, even when it feels like it. 

No one knows your situation like you do. No one knows your thoughts or feelings or how much you’re going through. I can’t tell you to do what’s best for yourself because I don’t know, but YOU do.

Choose yourself, and then do better.

From one girl to another,

Jasmine <3