“over these past months, i think i’ve fallen for her”

8/31/23

Email:

Okay, so I’m 17 and I’ve known I’ve been bi for a while now. Over the past year, I’ve started telling my friends about my experiences with girls and they have all been supportive. One of my friends in particular has seemed extra interested and even flirty with me ever since she found out. I didn’t really think much of it, but over the past few months, I think I’ve fallen for her. As far as I know, she’s completely straight. She always jokes around about kissing me or calling me hot, but I don’t know if she actually means anything more by this. She doesn’t act this way toward her other friends. We have been friends for so many years and I don’t want to ruin anything by mentioning it, but at the same time, I don’t wanna miss out by staying quiet. I’m kind of conflicted because it also hurts whenever she gets excited and talks to me about boys.

Our Advice:

Thank you so much for trusting us and reaching out for advice! So I’m bi myself and I’m more than well aware of the stereotypes that come with liking women. When people find out, they can sometimes get weird and treat you differently. If your friend is actually straight and is flirty with you because she knows you like women, I hope you know that means she's not a very good friend. Taking advantage of someone's sexuality for something like an ego boost is awful and I genuinely hope that is not the case. The fact she doesn't act like that around her other friends could mean one of two things: She is attracted to you and only started doing this because you being bi means she's in the clear to actually like you OR she wants you to be attracted to her because she thinks it's fun. 

I think the best thing to do to see what your next steps should be is confronting her. Not in the abrasive sense, but asking her about her sexuality. Some people don't like to be prodded, but I would be straightforward and honest with her. Tell her that you can't tell if she's actually flirting with you or not, and if she doesn't mean it, she should stop because it makes you uncomfortable. Tell her that if she's straight, it feels like she's taking advantage of your sexuality by flirting and essentially leading you on. This does imply that you like her, but you can always play it off.

If you have this conversation and find out she's straight and has been playing with you, you can choose to keep her as a friend and hopefully educate her on why what she did wasn't right. If she is queer and she still acts the same, she could very well like you and I'd say go for it! If you like her and you have a chance, you should do what makes you happy.

I hope I've been able to help! Please keep me updated (I would love to know what happens next!), and feel free to ask for more advice via my Instagram. My DMs are literally always open and I'll respond to message requests as soon as I can :)