What Nursing Means to ME
I am currently taking a course titled "Sociology and Well-being" and one of the first-ever topics we discussed was the difference between pleasure and meaning. Pleasure is momentary happiness. Something that brings you immediate enjoyment. Meaning is something that gives you purpose; it fills you up inside. They are not the same. You can do something that gives you meaning, but not pleasure, and vice versa.
When I learned about this, my first thought was my job. I am a Nurses Aide at a nursing home in my hometown. When people ask, I jokingly say I'm a professional ass-wiper, but I don't genuinely believe that. This is the first job that has ever meant something to me. After my first 40-hour week, I was beyond exhausted. I work with mainly dementia patients, and they can be mean and frustrating, especially at night when they are sundown. I've been pissed on, yelled at, punched, and scratched, and a lot of them don't even remember who I am. Despite all this, I have never felt more fulfilled.
I actually feel like I make a difference in people's lives. I'm there to comfort those who are sick, sad, or lonely. I'm there when they're bored and want to play games. I feed them when they can't do it themselves. We even play music and dance together. We hold hands and laugh together. And as you would expect, I'm there to comfort the families when they pass away. Yes, most of the residents can't even remember my name, but I remember everything about them. I know who likes to sleep with their socks on, how many ice cubes they like in their water, how many kids they have, and which ones visit. I'm just a stranger to some of them, but I know them so much more.
And it hurts when they die. I know they're old and won't live forever, but I never expect it. I used to work up to 60 hours a week, often working 16-hour shifts a day, but now that I'm in school, I work very little. I don't see anyone for weeks, and then when I come back I'm told who has passed. You only have a moment to process it before you have to go and do your job. As I sit here and write this, I am thinking of those we have lost and I miss them. I am sad and I mourn because I weirdly love them. They annoy me, but I love them. I think it's hard not to when you see someone during their most vulnerable moment in life.
So yes, this job sucks the life out of me sometimes, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. It gives my life so much meaning, even if the days are draining (there are happy moments, I promise). I know my work means something because the residents tell me it does. They thank me for being so kind and gentle with them and others. That's what I'm here for; to make their lives as easy and comfortable as possible.
People ask me if I'm sure I want to be a nurse, and I know I do because I can't imagine being anything else.
-Taty
