The 24 hours after a breakup

By Taylor Fox

14/11/23

People always have plenty of advice for how to heal from a breakup, but the first 24 hours after it happens is unpredictable and difficult to advise. Today my best friend in the entire world H, got broken up with by her boyfriend of three years. As I was sitting on her balcony after many hours of ranting, I asked if I could interview her about how she felt. I’m hoping the raw feelings will help other women know they aren’t alone or crazy in how they feel.

Me: I stayed in your house last night after you fought with your boyfriend all day yesterday, and I woke up to you telling me that you had broken up. Obviously, I knew that you two were arguing, but it was a bit of a shock that it happened so soon. Tell us how it all started that morning for you.

H: Well, first of all, we disagreed and then he didn’t speak to me all day from noon till 8 a.m. the next day. To me it wasn’t that I was fighting with him, but for him and us. He tried to break up with me over the phone the next morning after three years — might I add — from ages 15 to 18 of having history together. I thought that I deserved more respect than to be told that over the phone. 

Me: Absolutely, I have seen you give him grace and forgiveness time and time again, even when he didn’t deserve it. 

H: At the time I was forgiving him for things that were important to me, for some reason I was always the one apologizing. After what was said over the phone he then offered to go for a coffee to talk. I said okay and told him I loved him, to which he stayed quiet. I asked, “Are you not going to say it back?”, he said he couldn’t.

Me: I was so disgusted when you told me that. I knew he could be a bad boyfriend but knowing in everyone else’s eyes he was a good person, it was shocking. You ended up meeting him in the downstairs hall of your apartment, what happened then?

H: I arrived just before him, and he pulled up haphazardly into a disabled space, when he got out I told him his parking was wrong, and he replied he wouldn’t be there long. That’s when it hit me that things were going to end. He immediately told me he didn’t want to be in a relationship. I assured him that if anything was going on, I was there to help. He then let me know the previous day where he didn’t speak to me, was a good one. 

T: who would say that after all this time?

H: I don’t know. He said he didn’t love me anymore. That’s when I came upstairs and told you.

In the weeks following I stayed in H’s house. I watched her go through sadness, anger and confusion ten times over. Despite all, she still worked her two jobs and not only showed up but did amazing. She still has her moments where she breaks down but healing isn’t a linear process, and if there was anything she could say to people going through something similar it would be:

“Don’t blame yourself. It doesn’t matter how anything ends. Don’t be too hard on yourself because it makes the process of healing so much harder. Be kind to your heart”

At the end of the day relationship ending is a harrowing experience but you aren’t alone and you should be gentle to yourself. My lovely H isn’t at the end of a chapter but at the beginning of a new one that is focused on herself. 

Love,

Taylor xxx