the importance of being kind to yourself

I recently watched a podcast in which the host explained her value in a dating sense, and she mentioned something that I hadn’t really heard before in regards to this topic.

She mentioned that one of the reasons she deems herself as high value (among other things) is because she was kind to herself.

At first, this confused me.

How does the kindness we grant ourselves translate to our value, especially in relationships? I always assumed our value lay in what we gave to others; the kindness we impart on those we love.

Of course this is also extremely important, but subjectively just as important is the way we love, care and treat ourselves.

The more I thought about this, the more I realized just how much being kind to ourselves says about the type of people we are.

We understand ourselves more than we do anyone else. We know our deepest secrets, the lies we’ve told, the people we’ve hurt and the darkest parts of us we attempt to keep hidden. This looks different for everyone, of course, but we are all human, and we all engage in at least some bad habits or wrongdoing.

So that being said, kindness shown to ourselves despite all of this portrays a level of maturity, understanding and forgiveness. Being able to make mistakes or hurt another person, recognize this, and attempt to make it right while also being accepting is necessary.

Taking the things you’ve done or experienced (both negative and positive) as lessons rather than as a reason to hate yourself is so important.

You can attempt to be the best person in the world — to not make a single mistake, to not hurt a single person or to do the right thing ALWAYS — but this simply isn’t possible. We are inherently doomed to do all of these things, even if it isn’t deliberately.

The secret to being kind and loving yourself unconditionally is the “Okay and” mindset.

Whenever you discover another characteristic in yourself that isn’t necessarily positive (maybe you get overly jealous for exmaple), you say “okay and I love myself regardless.”

You make a mistake, you hurt somebody, you do something that had an unfavorable outcome you didn’t initially expect…

You say, “okay, I made this mistake. I hurt this person. And I love myself regardless.”

This is what kindness is all about — it’s about forgiveness. And isn’t that one of the most highly valued traits a person can have? To be mature enough to recognize faults, be willing to make a change, but stay loving despite it?

Be kind to yourself. We are all humans and we are all navigating life for the first time.